Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
