how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
