Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
