Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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