i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
