I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
