this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
