You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
