I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
