as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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