So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
