i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
