I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
