We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize