Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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