I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
