Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
