a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
