exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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