last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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