while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
