You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
