They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
