im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
