a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
