Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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