If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
