A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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