after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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