i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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