What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize