Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
