my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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