Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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