Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I will die if light touches me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
