So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
this is an emotional support booty call
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize