One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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