I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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