Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
