i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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