i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
