Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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