dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
