Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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