My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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