where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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