I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
