getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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