I wish I could punch you in the face.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
