so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
