Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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