You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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