Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
did i walk over a car last night?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
