I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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