Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
