mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
