Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize