Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize