I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
