Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
