Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
