dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
