You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
