i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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