So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
