Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
