she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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