did you get engaged???
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
