My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
