At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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