Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
