you guys were way drunker than both of me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
