I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
