her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
