I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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