i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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