I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
