he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize